Home Secretary Suella Braverman wants to drown all immigrants

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Monday, 31 October 2022


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Braverman wishes to implement an environment as unfriendly to migrants as the ocean floor

Suella Braverman is under fire once again as her incompetence as home secretary becomes obvious to everyone. Braverman, who is the first blobfish to be home secretary of the UK, appeals to the right-wing of the Tory party, who are renowned for being political bottom-feeders.

The Home Secretary explained her hostility to migrants in a recent speech. She said, "Where I come from - the ocean floor - we don't tolerate land-crawlers coming to our shores. Mainly because there is no shore, no land and nobody crawls."

She continued. "I detest bipeds with all their limbs. They come over here to our island nation surrounded by its wonderful seas. My ancestors always said you can never trust an air-breather. Now we are free of the shackles of Brussels, we can sink our nation to the bottom of the ocean and breathe the sweet water of freedom."

"But until that day I will have to live with my dreams of deporting as many bipeds as I can."

Braverman is under investigation for emailing sensitive documents to the wrong person. It is unclear how she managed to send the emails, as she has no opposable thumbs.

It is believed that Braverman is backed by a sinister group of Tory donors, whose tentacles reach deep into the party.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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