To be in possession of a Brit passport is not quite what it used to be as flocks of Sassenachs head to Hadrian's Wall hoping for a SNP majority, and new referendum.
Hairdressers along the Scottish/English border have been inundated with mousey-haired, bleach-blond English males, and females, demanding to have their hair dyed ginger! Scottish sellers of kilts, sporrans, bagpipes, and haggis, are coping with record demands from south of the border.
In addition, Scotch is being purchased with impunity by Sassenachs hoping to celebrate a complete SNP success in local elections. Applications for Scottish nationality is overburdening Edinburgh's civil servants as English anti-Brexiteers burn their British passports hoping for a brand-new-crispy-tartan Scottish version.
One English 'Nutter', exiled in the EU, has even vowed to go the extreme of learning the indigenous Scottish language, and taking bagpipe lessons, which no other person on the planet understands, or can play, only Scots.
He is now attending on-line lessons from a Scottish sheep farmer who resides on an Outer-Hebrides Island and refuses to speak to his sheep in any other language than indigenous Scottish.
Any Sassenach passing the final exam will receive automatic qualification for Scottish nationality, a brand-new Scottish passport, invitation to Nicola Sturgeon's inauguration ceremony, and access to the EU's freedom of movement policies!
The Scottish language course takes two years to complete, as long a Boris Johnson needs to bow to Scots demands of a referendum to leave the UK. Johnson is eventually planning sending English warships and submarines to Scottish waters in a final, desperate effort to block the referendum result.
Legions of Scottish warriors, wearing kilts, and nothing else, have lifted their kilts in the direction of London in a defiant warning to Johnson that Scots have real 'balls' and will slice off Johnson's sagging 'cojones' if he dares invade their beloved Highlands!