Britain is beginning to starve, partly because of increased poverty caused by government incompetence and indifference, and partly thanks to food lorries being stuck in queues in Kent. The combined crises of coronavirus and Brexit are hitting hard, and supermarket shelves are as empty as Boris Johnson's testes.
The Prime Minister has a solution. "We helped out those African chaps in the 80s," waffled Boris. "We haven't heard anything from them in a while, so I assume they're doing all right. Perhaps they can give us our food back. They owe us."
The government has formally requested that Ethiopia returns to the UK a quantity of food equivalent to that provided by Live Aid in the 1980s - about £400 million in today's money. They have asked for foodstuffs that are popular in the UK - Pot Noodles, steak and kidney pies and Scotch eggs.
A spokesman for the Ethiopian government, Haile N'Laklee, told TheSpoof that the country is on the verge of civil war, and would not be able to assist with the UK's hunger problems. "We don't even have a Pot Noodle factory," he said. "It was bombed by the rebels."
Nevertheless, Boris Johnson is considering applying more pressure to other African countries. "Our people are hungry. We need to let them know it's Christmas time. I'm going to do a Geldof, and say to President Abiy Ahmed [of Ethiopia], "Give us your fucking money!''"
