Children In Need 2019 Final Totals In

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 16 November 2019

image for Children In Need 2019 Final Totals In
Sadly, society is now full of louts like this, in need of a good talking to

Children In Need, the annual nationwide event to raise cash for needy children, surpassed all previous records last night, when more than £47million was collected throughout Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

Promoted by a five-hour telethon featuring a vast array of stars and celebrities to make the viewing public feel suitably guilty, so that they might dig deep in their pockets for cash they could ill-afford to spend, this year's appeal included some new categories of needfulness.

One that will direct money towards youngsters who just don't listen to their parents is the 'Children In Need Of A Bit Of Respect' fund.

Another, 'Children In Need Of A Few Manners' fared less well, but the 'Children In Need Of A Clip Round The Lughole' fund attracted nearly £3million.

Outstripping those, the two appeals that were most popular were:

'Children I Need Of A Kick Up The Fucking Arse', with £17million, and
'Children In Need Of A Fucking Good Talking To', which surpassed the £20million mark.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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