Santa Stops Donations to the Conservative Party due to Boris’ Latest Lockdown

Funny story written by David Smith

Tuesday, 24 November 2020

image for Santa Stops Donations to the Conservative Party due to Boris’ Latest Lockdown
Elves furloughed

Entrepreneur and philanthropist, Santa Claus, has announced that he will no longer be donating to the Tories. Clearly furious, Mr Claus made his announcement to a shivering press pack from outside his home in Lapland.

“I’m thoroughly pissed off with Boris,” moaned the white-bearded old gent. “This lockdown nonsense is crippling my business. Because I don’t charge for the toys I give away, I’m classed by that twat Rishi Sunak as a charity. Therefore, my elves don’t qualify for the 80% furlough bung. I’ll be skint before Christmas, if we even have one! Under this bunch of tossers,_ it’ll be postponed until Eid!”

Mr Claus went on to bemoan the Tories incompetent handling of the Brexit negotiations, adding, “It looks like a no-deal exit is heading our way. It’s alright for that blond-bonced pisspot sitting at home on a fat salary nursing his sprog on his knee, but what about me? I’ll have to pay 40% tariffs now. That’s why I’m quitting bunging the party money. I’ve been a lifelong Tory supporter and must have slipped them millions over the years, but enough’s enough. They can go f*ck themselves now.”

A spokesman from a visiting Chinese trade delegation commented, “Every crowd has a silver rining.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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