Hosiery enthusiast Damon Bunyon was shocked to find large holes appearing in several newly-acquired pairs of socks. “I was simply thinking of the planet,” said a shocked Bunyon, “by buying bamboo.”
The Bamboo Sock Company (Bam!Sock!Co!) has been promoting hosiery made from re-cycled bamboo as an ecologically sound alternative to cotton, but Bunyon believes he has uncovered attempts at sabotage. “It’s them Chinese again,” he explained. “They send pandas over here, and this is what you get. Big holes!”
A panda said, “We are not an aggressive species. We just like fun, and have no interest in bamboo socks, as the re-cycling process takes all the sugar out of the bamboo.”
Mr Bunyon remains unpersuaded. “I seen ‘em with my own eyes. They lurk in the bushes and home in on my collection. Which is unparalleled this side of Sidmouth. And what do I get? Big holes!”
Asked about Mr Bunyon’s allegations, officials at the Chinese Embassy recommended herbal tea from a shop in Bideford. A police spokesman said, “A firm approach and a cold towel on the forehead would be a step forward,” but refused any further comment.