‘The way we’re going,’ says Mina N Thynne, MP for Skinny Bottom, ‘the Palace of Westminster is going to slide into the Thames.’ Mrs Thynne, suspended from the House for use of ‘unparliamentary language’, and still refusing to apologise, says, ‘The old ruin is crumbling anyway, and with all them fat b******s sitting on the benches opposite, it’s bound to tip over and crash right in.’
There is a body of opinion which disagrees with Mrs Thynne. One of the larger ones belongs to Sir Ian Ormus, who said, ‘Eating a triple cheeseburger three times a day is how I keep in touch with the people. At my local eaterie – is that the popular word? - they open the doors double to let me in, and immediately pull up two chairs – one for me, and the other for me. Three sugars and a slice of that delicious pie, please.‘
Igor A Dubbelchin, MP for Grossley-over-Wate, said, ‘Really, there are too many skinny women sitting in the House. Though, what they have to sit on, I can’t see. Har har.’
The government has now acted, and appointed a Minister for Gender Balance. At the next election, male and female candidates elected will have to undergo a rigorous weighing procedure, and, where necessary, sit to enable the House to be equally weighted on both sides to avoid it being toppled into the Thames. This may necessitate some MPs sitting on the ‘wrong’ side, and should cause sheer bloody chaos. What fun.