Allegations that the double meanings of 1970s sitcom scripts reveal deep penetration by the Soviets, who had slipped through the back door of the family friendly Light Entertainment Department to inappropriately interfere at the BBC.
GCHQ language analysts believe the gardening sitcom ‘Two Tits on the nest’ is dripping with secret coded messages. One episode titled, ‘If I knew you were coming I’d have trimmed my bush’, is thought to mean, ‘Give the date and time. I’ll prepare the landing site’.
The script included the following: ‘There’s an irritable thrush round at the er, bottom of my garden’, really means, ‘The package is ready. Scratch your itchy privates if you want it’, and ‘My wife welcomes exotic birds. She likes a cockatoo first thing in the morning’, means ‘Comrades welcome. More the merrier’.
The show suddenly went off-air in 1980 after clean-up TV campaigner Professor Dick Priapus wrote, ‘BBC licence fee payers don’t want things like this rammed down their throats. I’m going to stand proud and take matters firmly in hand. Programmes like this leave a nasty taste in my mouth.’
This letter was actually from agent Zuchimov Spitzout, and was code for the writers to ‘Withdraw quickly. All is about to be exposed’.
Writers Double and Entendre vanished but are now back filming a sitcom about a retirement home for the active elderly, ‘Viagra Villas’. The pilot is titled ‘The hydraulics work with vigorous pumping’.
They said, ‘These allegations are nonsense. We just want to write smut.’