Confucius say: "Nothing is more confusing than British PMs!"
After listening to official, non-transparent, and very confusing guidelines dished out by Boris Johnson on his ageing square-box TV, OAP, Joe Brummer, from Worthington, trundled off to his local corner-shop to buy some fags and his daily dose of The Sun.
Not quite understanding bumbling Johnson's latest rhetoric pertaining to Covid 19 rules and regulations, he donned a mask because he lost all sense of time after losing the key to his dusty, Queen Elizabeth wind-up-clock, standing proudly on the mantlepiece since Silver Jubilee Day in 1977.
After entering the shop owned by Ali Mustafa, wearing a mask - not Ali, but Joe - Ali pushed his red alarm bell hidden under the counter after being plundered over a 100 times by local yobbos and hoodies, believing old Joe was one of them!
A panda car standing down the road waiting for 12-year-old yobbos smashing car windows - quite normal in this area - rushed to the scene and arrested the masked intruder, and bundled him off to the local cop station without removing his mask, just in case he sneezed!
"But I was only following BOJO's rather confusing guidelines!" Joe pleaded. After cooling down in the arrest cell, he was allowed to leave, but the policeman at the counter advised him to part exchange his 1977 Silver Jubilee Queen Elizabeth wind-up-clock for a digital 2020 version, and buy some batteries at Ali's corner shop!