Lucid Dreamer can't wake up

Written by Ben Macnair

Thursday, 4 June 2020

image for Lucid Dreamer can't wake up
Bagpipes. I can't be playing Bagpipes, can I? They take years of practice.

Lucid dreamer, Shane Merryweather, 41, from a small town in the north of England, has revealed that he just can't seem to wake up.

'I have been lucid dreaming for a while - it makes life more bearable - and the erotic dreams I have had would give EL James something to think about! But, every time I wake up, it seems to be into a nightmare. I mean, first of all, there was all of that trouble with the Royal family, what with Andy and his doings, and then Harry. I thought that was a dream. Then there was this global pandemic, that killed thousands of people, and the leaders of the world just stood around blaming each other. I tried waking up, and all of my favourite things were cancelled, with no more theatre, cinemas or trips to Burton's to buy my yearly new shir. And then I see that there is rioting in America. Some idiot who spends too much time on his tan is blaming everyone else. I mean, I have to hope that it is all a dream, because if this is reality, God help us all!'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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