Man talking to new neighbours

Written by Ben Macnair

Sunday, 22 March 2020

image for Man talking to new neighbours
What do you mean we have never met before?

There was consternation today in Chutney on the Fritz, when the local figure of ridicule, Brian Asshat, began talking to his neighbour, Dave, before he realised it was a completely different man.

'There I was, minding my own business, cutting down the hedge between our houses, because my wife Lorraine had told me to, when this strange chap in an anorak and no shoes starts talking to me,' said Asshat's neighbour of nearly three years, Gary Johnson.

'It was strange,' continued Johnson, 'but he called me Dave, like he knew who I was or something'

Brian Asshat took up the story: 'That hedge has been there for years now, and I take no notice of what the neighbours are doing, so naturally, I assumed it was Dave. Still, at least this Gary looks like he could be a good friend. I think in the future we may spend many an hour in the pub, putting the world to rights.'

'He seemed like a strange little bloke,' continued Gary. 'If I knew he was my neighbour, I might have given some thought as to whether or not I moved in here.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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