Phillip Schofield’s Wife Should Have Crazy-Glued His Nuts To Bed Post

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Wednesday, 12 February 2020

image for Phillip Schofield’s Wife Should Have Crazy-Glued His Nuts To Bed Post
Sirens....Do I Hear Sirens?

BILLINGSGATE POST: If reality were fiction, there would be no need for truth. So why would a man forsake his faithful partner of so many years for the sweet song of a Siren who would lure him to crash on the rocks of Scylla?

In Homer’s Odyssey, the hero Odysseus was warned about the Sirens by Circe. He ordered his men to tie him to the mast so that he could listen to their singing without being seduced. He lived to tell the tale, being bound to the mast.

Woe to them who do not learn from history. In more recent years, suspicious wives have insured the sanctity of their marriage by Crazy-Glueing the nuts of their wandering husband to the bed frame at night. No description is necessary to help one visualize the plight of a cheater hanging midair by his nuts; his passion left unrequited while his wife snores away.

Surely, Phillip Schofield would have gotten the message. If only dear Stephanie had availed herself of modern technology.

Slim: “She can’t catch you cheating if you don’t cheat.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. I wonder if he told his pet gerbil.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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