Phillip Schofield, the 'This Morning' TV presenter who 'came out' as homosexual last week, is said to have claimed that Stephanie Lowe, his partner of 27 years, turned him gay.
Schofield, 57, said that he had known about his gayness for at least the last two years, but that, prior to that, he had never looked at another man's bottom lovingly and longingly, and thought:
"Cor! I'd like some of that!"
Not like now.
He claimed that, up until his queerness raised its head, he'd always been a meat-eating alpha male, who stared at every woman who passed him in the street, admiring their curves, their legs, and their breasts.
Especially their breasts.
"But Steph put paid to that," he said.
Nowadays, he doesn't eat meat, and thinks only about men's private parts.
"I can't go into too many details, because it's very personal, but the things she made me do with a banana and that rolling-pin turned my head."
But Schofield has already turned the corner, and made a triumphant return to the 'This Morning' show, and viewers have been supportive of his decision to come out.
"Can you tell us the name of your current boyfriend, you faggot?"
Only a fraction of this story is true.