When 'This Morning' TV presenter, Phillip Schofield, admitted last week, that he was a homosexual, and had been hiding this from his wife for years, the news came as a complete surprise to one man who was a regular viewer of the show.
Ernest Gullerble, of Swindon, has been watching the show for more than ten years, but says he had "no idea" Schofield was a bender.
Indeed, he felt a shockwave around his house when he found out.
"I may be a little slow on the uptake, but, not for one minute, did I imagine that his perfect hairstyle and cleaner-cut-than-is-possible image, nice sweaters and shirts, and the way he places both hands on his knees and does a slight 'wrist-flex' as he's speaking, were a sign that he was a passenger on the pink bus."
He went on:
"Yes, I know he has a habit of looking straight into the male guests' eyes and making them feel uncomfortable, smiling gushingly, and speaking in his pathetic effeminate voice, pronouncing every letter of every word, slowly and deliberately, in a tone of voice that sounds like your auntie speaking to you when you were 6 years old, but that's no reason to think he takes it up the cackpipe, is it?"
"Unlike Mr. Schofield, it's difficult for me to take in. I suppose that we just have to take his word for it that he's a Rear Admiral, and likes to slobber down on men's cocks with the same lips he kisses his children with, but I never would have guessed it. I hope he cleans his teeth first!"