In a break from royal tradition, the Royal Navy are going to demote Prince Andrew to ship’s cabin boy on his 60th birthday, following allegations that the prince had unlawful sex with an underage girl at the home of the late convicted paedophile, Jeffrey Epstein.
It is traditional that members of the royal family receive 10-yearly promotions in the armed forces, irrespective of whether or not they are on active service.
However, a spokesman for the Royal Navy told newsmen that this would not be the case where Prince Andrew was concerned: “While the Royal Navy is a modern-thinking outfit, willing to embrace the sexual preferences of all who serve, we do draw the line at rewarding paedophiles.
“So, with that in mind, we have decided to demote Prince Andrew from Rear Admiral to ship's Cabin Boy, 2nd Class on the occasion of his 60th birthday.
“His duties will include: sweeping out the wardroom, making the captain's bed, serving the men with their grog ration, carrying out the care and maintenance of the cat o’ nine tails, as well as stocking the medicine cupboard in the post-sodomy treatment room.”
This announcement mirrors the treatment given to Andrew’s younger brother, Edward, who was busted down to Private 2nd Class during his spell in the Royal Marines, after a copy of Altar Boys In Pantyhose was discovered in his locker during a routine inspection.