Former British Prime Minister David Cameron is looking for a new body guard after his existing one was banned from British Airways flights.
The ex-SAS, six-foot-six protection officer, who has fought off angry Brexiteers and violent socialists to protect his charge, committed the unforgivable sin of leaving an extremely large schwag in the toilet bowl onboard a BA flight. Contrary to strict airline rules that apply across the world, he didn’t flush his golden maca down, leaving it in full view of the next passenger to use the cubicle.
That passenger was nervous 72-year old Hilda Brand, who took one look at the steaming cargo, resplendent with bits of undigested peanuts that had been handed out to first class customers, and screamed. It took three flight attendants to calm the distraught biddie, using a chloroform-soaked cloth which was conveniently found lying on the empty seat of one of a Saudi Arabian passenger who had gone to use the royal rest room.
The embarrassed security officer was hauled back to the loo by the angry captain, to flush his mess away, and apologised profusely to everyone. Meanwhile, Mr Cameron was observed sinking into his seat and trying not to be noticed.