Dear Esteemed Politician

Written by Ben Macnair

Friday, 27 December 2019

image for Dear Esteemed Politician
Airforce One, possibly.

Dear Esteemed Politician,

You may think that we want to know everything that has happened in your life, every opinion you have ever held, and every thought that has crossed your pretty little mind, but we really don't, as the following story epitomises.

Much has happened in the pretty little village of Chutney on the Fritz over recent days. There was the altercation between Brian Asshat and the driver who selfishly drove over the shoes he had thrown into the middle of the road. There was the sudden rush on festive beverages at Sketchys, the Etch a Sketch themed cafe, and don't even get us started on what Felicity Dowager did at the Christmas Eve disco. That punch bowl won't ever be used for punch again, but imagine our consternation, when Lorraine Johnson, writing on her blog, said that due to the size of David Cameron's Autobiography, she had completely run out of Christmas wrapping paper.

Lorraine Johnson bought her husband Gary, David Cameron's Autobiography, and was shocked when the epic life story was hundreds of pages, and thousands of words longer than she thought it would be.

Lorraine said 'My Gary really likes his politics, so I thought I would buy him the book about the life of one of our Prime Ministers, but I hadn't realised how long a book it was. Judging from the size of it, Gary will never finish it.

The book is used to keep the back door open, when the Johnsons' Labrador, Milly plays outside in the garden.

'What made it worse,' continued Lorraine, 'was that it was half price in the Waterstones sale.....What am I telling you that for? It came from Tesco for £12.00, like all of our fiction does.'

Other political works of fiction are available, including bookshelves of Literature about the American President, you know the one that was portrayed by Harrison Ford.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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