Dramatic Erosion

Written by Backandtotheleft

Tuesday, 21 January 2020

image for Dramatic Erosion
What the fuck is this? We found it in our backgarden

The Lake District is facing “Dramatic Soil Erosion” over the next few years, and, with many leading figures calling for blame to be either appropriated to “the EU” or the “poor”, geologists have a far more sensible explanation.

However, this isn’t the time for sensible or rational explanations; we live in a time where my enthusiastically-shouted ignorant opinion trumps your expertise. After all, anyone can “learn” something, but not everyone is willing to shout over everyone until theirs is the only point of view heard.

Lilly Timms, 56, from 34 Soap Street, Bath, said:

"It’s more of this Ivory Tower egghead nonsense. I’ve been going to the Lake District for over 60 years, and I’ve walked over lots of soil. It’s not eroding or anything. If anything, since the referendum, it’s starting to look like it’s de-eroding and coming back."

Footfall from thousands of tourists is causing damage to the thousands-of-years-old rock formations. Experts say….well experts can say what they want, but they’re not “doing” anything about it, are they?

We spoke to three random people at the soup kitchen to ask for their quickfire response to the situation:

“Brussels interference.”

“Lack of National Service.”

“The Looney Left.”

All of which are completely irrelevant, but exactly right at the same time. We at Back and to the Left News can only hope that the Great British public can be rescued by the only expert worth listening to on anything: Mr Farage.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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