More Boris More Bluster

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Monday, 21 October 2019


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Iain Duncan Smith?

After yet another defeat in the House of Commons, and an embarrassing crawl back to the EU to beg for another Brexit extension, Prime Minister Johnson, has remained in a bullish mood, still seemingly clinging to the idea that “as long as you believe in Brexit”, it’s all going to work out just fine.

Johnson had said he’d rather be “dead in a ditch” than ask the EU for an extension, and he has disappointed millions of Brits by not fucking dying and leaving his bloated corpse in a ditch. But Johnson is refusing to be cowed, despite the fact he has been repeatedly cowed during his very short and rather fucking terrible tenure.

"He’s acting like a boxer who just won’t stay down!" scream his most loyal of supporters. Which is true. But not in a heroic “Rocky” style; more the fact that the first blow caused irreparable brain damage, and the ref should have stopped the contest fucking hours ago.

Johnson still leads a cabinet of the absolute worst that Britain has to offer. We all know, full well, that that set of Tory monsters were the ones looking up girls' dresses in school, and trying to glue the local cats bum holes shut. They still seem to support him, but everyone knows it’s only a matter of time before Gove tries to lace his boss’ tea with hemlock.

Our repeated attempts to interview Johnson have been met with a stony silence and accusations of “not being qualified to be in a press conference”. Which we think is a massive set of double standards, because the one thing that Brexit has proved beyond a shadow of a doubt, is the fact that our politicians are clearly not qualified to be where they currently find themselves.

The only place we’d like to see Johnson, Patel, Bone, Chope, Gove, Javid, Hunt and all the fucking others, is a underfunded cancer ward, left to shit themselves to death.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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