A 75-year-old man has been warned he faces jail because of his point blank refusal to stop waving his dick at his neighbours.
Bernard Condron has been warned by friends, family, the police and members of the clergy to “seriously, dude, stop wafting your cock around,” but Bernard clearly couldn’t give a fuck.
Neighbours have complained that Bernard has been doing it for so long that it’s become part of their morning ritual. Phyllis Gaybor, 89, a retired racist and ardent Nazi, said:
"I’ve done some terrible things in my life. I stamped a Jewish person to death in my teens. I’m an awful human being, and I deserve whatever hell the devil is preparing for me."
Unsure as to what brought on this outburst of truth, we pressed her on the issue of the elderly dude’s dick, as this is what we had been sent out here to investigate….or report on….actually who had sent us? Everything gets a little bit hazy when you drink Listerine and rum as a “livener” in the morning.
"You don’t understand. I burnt synagogues. Staged protests at Bah Mitzvahs. The things I’ve done to animals….I just can’t live with the bloodied images that fill my dreams anymore."
She fell to the ground crying. A lot had been revealed to us, but we really needed more on this old guy waving his dick around. People care about old dudes flashing their neighbours. They don’t care about Nazis living among us in plain sight. Which is probably an apt description of the country over the last few years.