63-year-old grammar nazi, and all-round trainspotting anorak, Brian Asshat, is proud that he still has three followers on Twitter.
'I have never had more than seven. Put bigballs57, Pigsty89, and Ipitythefool17 have all been very loyal followers of mine for years now. I am proud of the little tribe I have around me, who always like what I say, because I say what I like'.
Brian's close personal friend, and housekeeper Felicity Dowager:
'Of course, I have more than 60,000 twitter followers myself, but don't tell Brian that, as all of my tweets are about what an insufferable gonad Brian is.'