Oxford, England - Look at you being all foxy, all by yourself at the end of the bar you foxilicious baby doll you. Can I buy you a drink? Have you heard the latest news?
Officials from the University of Oxford today declared that the 2007 edition of the Oxford English Dictionary will change the long standing traditional alphabetical order to put "U" and "I" together. University spokesman Nigel Blackthorne defended the decision in a press conference held today.
"The order of the alphabet is actually pretty arbitrary really, if you think about it. If we can change it to help some geeky sorry sots get laid then why not?"
Although beneficial for English speaking lounge lizards the world over, the cost of this change has been calculated to be well into the billions of dollars as all libraries will have to spend countless man hours rearranging their shelves and millions of copies of computer software will also have to be re-written. Also factored in is the impact of re-teaching all of the English speaking world's grade school children who have the current order firmly ingrained into their heads.
Today's dramatic announcement has gotten the math department at Oxford University pondering changing the longstanding traditional numerical order to place the 6 right before the 9. University spokesman Nigel Blackthorne again explains/defends, "The whole purpose of mathematics is to benefit mankind, and at this particular moment in time I really can't think of anything more beneficial than to officially place a 6 right up next to a 9, for obvious reasons."
Stephen Hawking, renowned physicist and Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at the University of Cambridge, has responded to the recent announcement in his own press conference.
"Well I guess now we know why the Guardian league table in 2006 has rated Oxford second to Cambridge in Archaeology, Classics, English, History and history of art, Mathematics, Philosophy, and Theology and religious studies. Namely that a degree from Cambridge will get you laid more than a degree from Oxford without any lame-ass gimmicks."
Those clothes you're wearing would look great on my bedroom floor. What should I order you for breakfast?