Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 2 February 2007

image for Millennium Dome Brothel Plan Unveiled

Discussions have taken place in the House of Lords today, to try and resolve the fiasco over what to do about the Millennium Dome.

The site is currently owned by Philip Anschutz's AEG company, who would have built a theatre and a hotel had the Dome been chosen as the location for the Supercasino. When betting company, Debtmaker, were awarded the casino contract, they chose Orkney as the site, and the Dome instantly became surplus to requirements.

Until today, that is, when loads of Lords met to suggest various possible uses for the eyesore.
The project needs to be regenerative, developmental and transmogrificational - a government code word for 'cheap'.

Several ideas were floated, including a hospital and a university, but these were deemed too expensive, both costing more than the alloted budget of £500.

Lord Levy, recently disgraced when he was arrested for sheep bumming in a field beside a Somerset railway track, suggested the Dome be made into a Sex Theme Park with brothels, massage parlours and "naughty rides".

Ancient Lord Fauntleroy, now over 240 years old, thought that the area would benefit from another fish and fruit market, with sections for cheap tatty textiles.

Lord Charles, sitting at the end of ventriloquist Ray Alan's arm, had designs on the site as a new state-of-the-art prison. It could hold up to 200,000 prisoners and would create more than 300,000 Prison Officer jobs, and would have stocks and a gallows by the river.

One of Lord Levy's old charges from his days as a pop impressario, Lord Stardust of Coocachoo, had a variation on this theme - another Guano Bay-style detention camp for wayward Islamic juveniles.

This idea was put to the vote, but, as most of the Lords had, by this time, fallen asleep, left or died, the vote ended 1-1, and there will be a replay a week on Tuesday.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Sex, Prostitutes

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