Lazarus Bones, like millions of other Universal Credit claimants, has never worked a day in his life. He sits at home, watching daytime television and shoving pizza into his face. However, the introduction of the benefit has caused misery for him and his nine children (his partner Dawn left unexpectedly one morning leaving a note which read “I can’t take any more, please get a job!").
“For one, I’ve had to cut down on the toppings. I can no longer afford extra pepperoni”, he complained. “The Tory government has cut my pepperoni allowance and now I have to go to food banks to find spicy sausage.”
However, more worryingly, an army of fraudsters has been on the prowl for his hard-earned benefits money. He explained “They knock on my door and ask if I am on Universal Credit. When I say yes, they become all smiles and say they are the wallet inspector and need to check my wallet. When I show it to them, they take several notes and explain that’s their fee. I say okay, but am left with a lighter wallet and no money for garlic bread”.
His neighbour, who didn’t want to be named, said that the wallet inspectors had been round to her house twice that week and had taken about £50. “Now, when they knock, I have to shout ‘There’s nobody home’. But even that doesn’t seem to deter them.”
Money expert Martin Piggybank said that the wallet inspector is one of the oldest cons. “A very amicable person pretends to be interested in the leather trim but all he’s after is your dosh. If a wallet inspector calls at your house, whack him on the head with a frying pan. That usually sends them away.”
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn accused the Tory government of creating a system where unscrupulous fraudsters prey on victims. “When will the Prime Minister move over and allow someone else to govern, who wants to get rid of food banks and wallet inspectors?” he demanded.