To help resolve a budget crisis, the zoo in Chaffinch St Cock has begun offering visitors the chance to hunt its animals. Prospective trophies include the rare Siberian tiger, a chimpanzee and even a woolly mammoth.
Zookeeper Geoff Dung explained, "It's completely humane. Or animale. I'm not sure what the word is. Anyway, the animals are all stuffed. So people can come in with their guns and stuff them full of lead and then take them home - for a price."
A spokesman for PETA (People for Ethical Taxidermy Association) was angered by the news. "I'm not sure it should be allowed. Even though Chaffinch St Cock Zoo say they are being animale about it, they are still ruining perfectly good stuffed animals. We shall be throwing red paint over the exhibits on our next raid."
Mr Dung was glad of the publicity. "Nobody comes to the zoo anyway. Who wants to see a stuffed penguin standing by a paddling pool surrounded by styrofoam. I sometimes want to shoot them myself."