Pro Golfer Kills Moose With Calloway's New Epic Driver

Funny story written by Paul Blake

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

image for Pro Golfer Kills Moose With Calloway's New Epic Driver
Does the hood of Steve Stricker's Chevy Tahoe say it all?

Erin Hills, Wisconsin. Chip Fairway, reporting live from the 117th U.S. Open Golf Tournament.

After having my PGA Media credentials reinstated, I am happy to be reporting from a live event for the first time in quiet some time.

Through some confidential veteran news sources in the caddies locker room, I have uncovered a story about PGA tour pro, Steve Stricker, who recently joined the over-50 crowd on the PGA Champions Tour. Word around the caddy shack is that Stricker killed a full grown, 24 point moose, with a shot from Calloway's new EPIC Driver.

"I heard it was a power fade with a Titliest VX1 ball." said Scruff McGrovin, caddie for Jim Furyk. "Mizumo Gold X3 Pro Shaft, FootJoy glove, 15 mph wind from the SW," added the vet caddy.

Stricker, known on the professional ranks for his love of hunting, admitted only to taking the Driver with him on the recent hunting trip with his buddies to Colorado.

After contacting Stricker's reps, we were told the same story that other sources have released: that their golfer thought the Moose was a fake. "After all, Steve teed it up from his balcony at luxurious Pine Brook Lodge, stated his agent, Manny Sandblatz. "Obviously, he was just using it as target practice.

While many other golf-lovers reported quickly to Golf Channel, that they'd seen FaceBook photos posted from the same Lodge, of a man appearing to be Stricker, running into the woods in his white, fluffy bathrobe, to finish the great northern beast off with brutal hacks of a 5 iron. Nancy Hookslicer, from Aurora, Colorado, on a weekend spa trip, said the FB video posts had been taken down, but she'd swear it was Stricker. She's a big fan of his short game, and loves the way the future Hall-of-Famer handles himself with his putter in his hand. "It was like he was trying to hack it out of the rough at The British Open," told the golf fan.

The Pine and Woods Resort has no statement on the matter, stating that any animal killed outside the 200 yard limit from any guest's balcony, not more that 2 club lengths from an adult beverage, is far game.

So Mister Stricker was well within his rights, the Lodge rules appear to state.

"I mean, in the end, we are talking about an animal dying, right?" said Grable Miller, deputy-handyman for the hunting resort we ran into at the Hardware store down the road. "The folks I work for ain't gonna care how the damn animal died. As long as Mr. Stricker had a good fucking time while doing it. I can almost guarantee that if the story is true, that their was a hot waitress waiting for him to come out of the woods, with a drink and to clean off his 5 iron. Point is, we're in the business of killing stuff!

So, it looks like, after the Animals Rights folks have had a sniff around this tired bone, that Calloway might be the biggest winner once this story has gone viral. The maker of the New EPIC Driver With Jail-Break Technology, just might have the very best Ad Campaign of the year, dropped right in their laps, for free! A Driver good enough to bag a moose with! (Or come close enough that you can run out and club the beast in the back of the head with a 5 iron.) But we image Calloway will leave that part out of the Ad Campaign.

So, farewell from The U.S. Open, where Rickie Fowler sold the most orange crotchless gotchies in pro golf history, once again!!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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