A rare hairless chimp called "Chimp Chop" has died unexpectedly his keepers say.
He was unexpectedly hit by a bus after unexpectedly fleeing from his enclosure and out onto a busy road.
The bus driver was unnerved by the unexpected appearance of the chimp and tried to swerve across the lanes only to find himself driving into a lion, which had also escaped.
Faced with the possibility of killing a majestic beast of the Serengeti he swerved again, back into the lane where the unexpected chimp had made it's unexpected entrance.
The driver crashed into the chimp sending him flying higher into the air than was expected. The chimp landed on the side of the road and was quickly eaten by the lion. Which in our experience was expected as lions like two things. One is sweet, sweet chimp meat and the other is poker.
Gallowmere zoo where the tragedy occurred issued a short statement.
Shit. Bet we lose our public funding now.