Social Influence

Written by Backandtotheleft

Tuesday, 12 March 2019

A young couple were tragically mauled to death by a pack of wolves today as they tried to take “extreme selfies”, the latest craze sweeping the mindless young that populate our cities.

“Extreme Selfies”, or “Extelfies” as they are known in the underground scene, are where people take pictures of themselves doing things you’d normally need safety equipment for, for validation on social media.

Of course, as the trend gathers pace and more and more people are lured in by the siren call of the “like”, the stunts have become more insane.

Social influencer Beckkkiii Gibb said:

"It’s a natural progression from selfies. People are sick of seeing me in a bikini lounging in the sun, my 'like' average has gone down from 45K per post to 44,999K per post. It was getting so bad, I nearly lost my energy drink promotional deal. So now I’ve got to spice things up with Extelfies. It’s either that or porn."

We wondered if maybe these “social media influencers” would be better served creating interesting content to show the world, rather than the vapid "thing" driven lifestyles they're showing off. Then she showed us how much she made a week, and we shut the fuck up.

She said:

"The more extreme the situation, the more likes you’ll get. I’m in contact with a photographer in Syria who wants to take me into the last ISIS stronghold so he can get a picture of me doing the “bunny ears” behind one of their fighters. While wearing a bikini, of course."

Normally, we’d condemn this sort of “selling yourself”, but the only reason you’re not looking at a picture of us dangling butt-naked over a raccoon tank is because the editor said it would “reduce traffic to the site”, then “you’re on thin ice already” before rounding off with “are you eating a fountain pen?”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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