Nightclub owner to open bar on North Sentinel islands

Thursday, 29 November 2018

image for Nightclub owner to open bar on North Sentinel islands
It's party time on North Sentinel

A British nightclub owner has declared that he will open a bar on the remote North Sentinel Islands, near India. The people there are untouched by the modern world and continue to live a Stone Age lifestyle, as they have for tens of thousands of years.

Geoff 18to30, 45, first heard of the islands two weeks ago when a missionary was stabbed to death there. "It sounds just like Faliraki," he said. "I'll open an theme pub there for British tourists so they can get pissed and have a good fight. I bet the rents are really cheap."

Mr 18to30 said that he had done his research and was confident that his bar would work despite being the first such establishment of any kind on the remote islands.

He explained, "I know what I'm getting into, I used to work on Ibiza. Them Sentinelese are so old they probably still think the Earth is flat, and not just because they saw a YouTube video about it. Of course they won't know about YouTube. They're probably still using MySpace.

"It's nice to find a hot sunny place that isn't overdeveloped yet. They won't mind the noise of a local boozer. It'll bring money and jobs into the economy, help them out and stuff, like."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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