Tabloid editors spreading Christmas rage

Saturday, 18 November 2017

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Thanks to Donald Trump, people are now allowed to say Merry Christmas again. How did you cope with the ban?

It is November, and as usual British tabloids are getting into the festive mood by searching the country for stories of people not celebrating Christmas properly. It is a yearly tradition to whip up readers into a frenzy of loathing, and will warm the clenched fists of curmudgeonly Scrooges everywhere. Perhaps a small town decided to call their winter celebration Winterval, or a school put on an alternative nativity play with a twist. If so, then it's certain to be front page news.

This week, editor of the Daily Rage, Geoff Bitter, 51, fumed in his newspaper column, "My postman - a Muslim dare I say it - had the cheek to wish me a Merry Christmas. As if he wasn't secretly wanting to ban the phrase and force us all to say Happy Wintertime. It really makes me mad."

He is not the only one. In the letters page of the same newspaper, reader Jiff Ire of Surrey, 51, wrote, "I was furious to read that my local school will be casting a brown Jesus in the nativity play. Whatever next, a transsexual Santa Claus? Or maybe a disabled God? These liberal teachers just don't know when to stop. Hang them all I say, including the children. They're ruined now."

At fellow tabloid the Fountain of Hate, editor Geoff Bile was aghast that he had been unable to find any instances of towns celebrating Winterval. "I've got nothing seasonal with which to manufacture hatred and fear among my readership. Oh well, I can always make up a story about a schoolboy wearing a dress."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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