Kevin Brown, a 41 year old slightly overweight chap with no personality, life goals, partner or idea of what to with his hair in the mornings, has today, on October 3rd 2018 decided how he will break his new year's resolutions.
Brown told us 'I have decided that it is about time I met someone new, it has been 12 years since I have even been in the same postcode as a woman, get a new job, lose some weight, get a good haircut, and start wearing corduroy, again, as I am now of the age where I can wear it non-ironically'
'Of course' continued Kevin 'I will do none of that at all. It is only really a new year's resolution if you tell people about it, and if I remain quiet about my new life, nobody really needs to know what an abject failure I acutally am, do they? Although, I think that they have probably guessed by now'
Yes, Kevin, they have.