Stockholm, Sweden - An old slapper whose greatest claim to fame includes posing topless with a boa constrictor for BigTitz magazine in 2004 has married a leading tool - oops, member! - of the Swedish royal family.
Princess Mammalia as she will be known wed third in line to the throne Prince Smorgasbord in a lavish ceremony at Stockholm's Gravlax Palace on Saturday.
The ceremony was attended by hundreds of Sweden's incredibly boring, inbred royals plus Britain's top royal scroungers Prince Edward and his gargoyle wife Sophie, C*untess of Wessex.
This evening a Swedish televised documentary dumbed down the new princess's seedy background describing her as a talented former glamor model who also did 'work experience' as a cocktail waitress in New York's famous Knobs N Knockers eatery.
However vintage footage of her lap dancing in a Meat Packing District trannies' club was hastily deleted on national security grounds.
The Duchess of Malfi is 104.