Gary Wayne Johnson from Chutney on the Fritz, a sixty-three-year-old with a habit of losing his teeth to the dentist can't understand why women half his age aren't interested in him like they are with wealthy and successful film stars and musicians.
'It makes me sad' said Johnson, slurping another beer through his remaining teeth. 'If I had me some money, good looks, and a film or music career, I would be fighting them of'
Hilda Eckingthwaite, the landlady of The Toad and the Wet Sprocket Pub said: 'Gary is always coming in here, complaining about everything. Look at him though, I wouldn't touch him with a barge-pole, and we all know the horrors that a barge pole has seen, don't we?'