Written by Jaggedone

Thursday, 8 March 2018


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image for UK Bakers employ bouncers to bounce out bakery bandits!
Purchasing a loaf in a UK bakery aint what it used to be because bonking Bouncers stand in the doorways nowadays!

Once upon a time, children; the smell of fresh bread and cakes lured punters into a wonderful world of goodies! Nowadays, punters have to get passed bouncers built like wardrobes to enjoy the experience!

A major UK bakery chain has been hit by bakery bandits, soccer hooligans, bratty school kids, drunkards, nicking their delightful goodies and even having punch ups in their stores! So, the bakers have decided to follow many boozers who employ bouncers to decide who goes in and who's thrown out!

Indeed a sign of the times when cake lovers have to open their hand-bags, be body searched and, dare not stink of alcohol, before they enter their paradise. A dodgy jammy doughnut aint what it used to be especially if the bouncer goes bonkers, and decides not to let punters in!

One OAP, 85 year-old Ethel from Manchester, attempted to get in to her local baker, was confronted by a bonkers bouncer on the door, she told him to "fuck off" because all she wanted was a white loaf and some sticky buns. The bouncer felt aggrieved and blocked her path, she withdrew her brolly and smacked the bouncer over the head, he grabbed her by her skinny neck, and she landed on the pavement with a cracked hip!

The bouncer is now being sued, the bakery has washed its hands in white flower, and is now offering Easter Hot Cross Buns signed by none other than, Pontius Pilatus, who infamously stuck Jesus on the cross and started the whole thing, free to any OAP's who are brave enough to enter their establishments!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Old People, bakery

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