Monday, 13 November 2017

image for Ex-servicemen forget about Remembrance Sunday
War involves mostly sodomy and horsing around, with occasional killing

It has long been reported that the numbers of ex-servicemen who attend Remembrance Sunday events are falling. Now it appears that many of them are simply forgetting to turn up. We asked some of them to try to understand why.

Geoff De'ath, 81, of Mudchester, was a soldier in the second world war, despite his young age at the time. He explained, "I remember fighting in the war - it was the same war that Tom Hanks was in. They tell me I was only about three years old at the time, but I have a vague memory of being in the Kings' Toddlers Rifle Division. They even gave me a badge, but I lost it."

Other veterans could not remember there being a war at all. Jeffetta Gorgon, 98, had been married to a sailor but did not recall him mentioning combat. "He ate a lot of spinach, and he had big muscles, but apart from that it's all a bit of a blur. I do remember the Remembrance Sunday they had last year, with all the splendid uniforms. It was such fun, I hope they make it into an annual event."

Geoffcock Mosquehill, 104, was one of the few soldiers who could remember the war. "There was a lot of fighting and it was very ugly. I spent years trying to forget it, and now they want me to remember it every year. I still have nightmares about last year's Remembrance Sunday. I had to sit in front of a bloody statue for three hours in the freezing cold pretending to care about some long-dead mates of mine. I'd rather have stayed at home high on medication."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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