White House retracts press release: "He's done. You can stick a fork in him"

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 11 April 2017

image for White House retracts press release: "He's done. You can stick a fork in him"
White House press secretary Sean Spicer denies personal responsibility for the headline

Mr. Spicer has today hastened to clarify that the Press Release yesterday did not come from Mr. Trump or his associates.

This release went viral across social media, the world's press, mainstream print and television coverage, and even remote areas of the planet where there are no news services.

Mr. Spicer also hastened to explain that the meaning ascribed to this headline is inaccurate to Mr. Trump's efforts to lead the nation.

The headline has been interpreted as analogy to a large well-baked spud emerging from the oven. The fork slides in easily and the spud pops a little and steams.

That is, that Mr. Trump has folded under to pressures from contrary political forces in the US, including those associated with Hillary Clinton.

These forces have been reported unsatisfied with Mr. Trump's progress in making insufficient new war and continuing old wars.

Mr. Robert Kagan is one of these voices. On Sunday in The Washington Post he said that Mr. Obama's policies weakened the US, and Mr. Trump has "exacerbated" this weakness problem.

However, with Mr. Trump's muscular response in firing missiles at Ash Sha'irat air base, he is now on the right track.

This is so although specifics of the incident have not yet been verified by independent investigators.

Certainty on this matter has come via experts' intuition and "feeling it in their bones."

This certainty is similar to recent judgments that Mr. Trump is a Russian dupe, which has been popular in mainstream news in America.

Likewise, with this chemical charge against Assad, US Intelligence Services (although there are critics and doubters amongst them) are again offering the "we feel it in our bones to be true" thesis.

Accordingly, Mr. Trump decided to fire missiles at the air base and received congratulations and new standing in the political community as a man of action and heroism.

However, some intemperate commenters and a wag secreted in the White House then delivered the "He's done. You can stick a fork in him" press release.

This phrasing apparently means that Mr. Trump's recent action has reversed what he promised during the campaign to seek a more peaceful world, and back away from regime change politics, as well as cooperate with Russia.

Mr. Obama is reported offering his sympathies on how campaign promises tend to evaporate in the winds and reverse themselves toward military solutions.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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