Yes, he's at it again. After successfully steering the US election in his favour by ensuring hackers released - or fabricated - dubious emails of the Democrat Hillary Clinton, swinging voters towards Donald Trump, the Russian President has now launched a hacking assault on the UK government.
"Very shortly, an imbecile is to become President of the USA", confirmed a Moscow official, "and we intend to make sure the same development unfolds in Britain, where such a tendency indeed has a long tradition. OK, people like Cameron and Blair were also half-wits, but Theresa May is a little too sly. Much too smart, almost a Moskvich. Hacking will solve the problem. "
There is no shortage of candidates in the UK Parliament, but profiling a simpleton as a votable alternative, as in the case of Trump, could prove more difficult in Britain. "Many Britons can still read, " explained a Russian diplomat, "This is a problem which was not so evident in the US. They simply listen, or watch TV, and follow. The British tend to mull things over - a very dangerous and nasty characteristic. However, as we saw in the Brexit vote, the majority would like to see their country go to rot, and we want to facilitate that wish. Mobilise the mob. We have learned a great deal from the Brexit gang.."
A spokesman for Putin was reluctant to name the future resident of 10 Downing Street, but underlined that news would soon be emerging concerning Theresa May's account with the Zappos online shoe company and emails linked with her Amazon 'In-basket'. "I'm not so sure her desires are in line with her office", whispered the spokesman menacingly. "There is a petulance in her purchasing which you should all know about...soon.. News will be coming from everywhere: the Daily Mail, The Sun, Match of the Day, Strictly Come Dancing, the Antiques Road Show. You won't even notice. Oh, and please listen carefully to Benedict Cumberbatch, Ian Hislop, Jimmy Carr and Jamey Oliver...They will have plenty to tell you..."