Corbyn goes into hibernation

Written by T. Loaf

Wednesday, 23 November 2016

Labour party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, bereft of any concept, strategy or will to challenge or even question the Prime Minister, Theresa May, about what she's doing, or rather not doing with regard to this bothersome Brexit issue, has stated he needs to regenerate, and has declared he will be going into hibernation from December 2016 to February 2017.

"I haven't done it for some years now. I usually wander into Epping Forest and cover myself with leaves under an oak or silver maple. It's a most humbling experience. I did it in the Wirral one year, and was bitten by a rabid fox which died immediately, but which I snuggled up to for a few weeks. It was only three months later they diagnosed me with rabies, after identifying some bahavioural and physical anomalies. I had developed a reddish muzzle, and continuously referred to my beard as 'Terence'. Strange....."

The government welcomed Corbyn's plan. "Yes," explained Boris Johnson, "we are also bereft of any concept or strategy, but we know how to blow wind and make a noise. I'm not sure Jeremy can handle that. He also despises a lie, that's how we normally unsettle him. Theresa and I practice lies along the Embankment during breaks. It's easy actually. He'll feel better in the forest. Nature doesn't lie....."

In fact, hibernation was once common in the Conservative party. In the winter of 1972, Edward Heath hibernated in Thetford Forest, Norfolk, with his entire cabinet, and no-one noticed.
It is also widespread among the royals. Prince Charles has been known to dress up as a squirrel, bury nuts and slumber for weeks in a grove near Chichester, beside Camilla, who prefers a skunk disguise.

Rumours that hedgehogs have been fleeing Epping Forest in droves since Corbyn's announcement have yet to be confirmed, though lines of wood frogs have been spotted alongside the M11 leaping towards Cambridge....

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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