In a shock election result, turkeys have voted in favour of Christmas for the first time since they gained the right to hold elections in 1845. In every year since then, turkeys have voted firmly against the Yuletide feast. However, this year a populist right-wing turkey called Steve "Paxo" has managed the impossible, and persuaded turkeys to vote for Christmas.
During the campaign, Paxo was helped by his sinister propaganda adviser, Gobbles, and made a series of promises to the other turkeys. He said that he would take back control of Christmas, and make it great again. He promised to ban the eating of turkeys at Christmas, although he has no power to enforce this. He also said that all the money spent on killing turkeys at Christmas could instead be used to provide free chocolate and HDTV to all turkeys.
The win seems to have surprised even Gobbles and Paxo, and they began to backtrack on their pledges almost immediately.
"Of course when we said we would take back control of Christmas we meant in a non-literal sense," said Gobbles. "It is likely that many turkeys will be slaughtered this year anyway."
Some turkeys were disappointed with the result. Mr Clucky voted for Christmas but is beginning to regret it. "I've had a rough year," he said. "My cage is a mess and I thought voting for Christmas would fix it all. They promised so much."
No turkey farmers are thought to be considering taking the result seriously. In any case, the turkeys voted in favour of Christmas, so there is actually less controversy this year than when the birds have voted against it. Farmer Arse of Norwich said, "Them turkeys is as dumb as chickens. They deserve everything they get."
