Trashlandia: Portlanders Embark to Found New Country on Floating Garbage

Funny story written by pinkwalrus

Tuesday, 15 November 2016

image for Trashlandia: Portlanders Embark to Found New Country on Floating Garbage
The New Nirvana?

Not willing to sit by and see what happens under a Trump presidency, a hearty group of 55 pilgrims has already left Portland, Oregon with the first barge to start a new nation. Their destination, the huge and elusive Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

The Patch is a huge loose-knit patch of floating garbage, mostly small plastics, that floats with the massive circular currents in the Northern Pacific. The smallest estimate of the size of The Patch is 270,000 square miles, roughly the size of Texas. So there's some room to set up house.

"It will take us a bit to move in, but it can't be worse than what's coming in the U.S." said Jennifer Griswell, communications representative.

The initial group must first stabilize the mass into one unit. Their plan involves an ingenious mix of six-pack rings, dental floss, used plastic diapers, discarded shoes, mattresses, yoga mats and carpet.

They will have to work fast to claim the territory however. There is a commercial cleanup project that has been brewing since 2012, The Ocean Cleanup, founded by Dutchman Boyan Slat.

The brave pioneers will need to plant their flag quickly.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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