Special to TPN - Boy Scouts of America president Randall Stephenson announced that President-elect Donald Trump will become an honorary scoutmaster at the organization's National Jamboree to be held in July 2017. "Mr. Trump exemplifies all those characteristics we hold dear in scouting," said Stephenson. "These include being courteous and kind, among others. Without these qualities, his Republican comrades never would have flocked to him in his hour of need."
Stephenson also said that in recognition of the President-elect's expertise in two fields of endeavor that all scouts aspire to, Gambling and Misogyny will be added to the long list of merit badges scouts can earn. "Both badges need little in the way of equipment, and we urge all dads to take their sons to a Trump casino to sharpen their skills. By contrast, Misogyny can be practiced at home on their mothers and sisters. Dad can help here as well."
To accommodate Trump while at the jamboree, a huge Winnebago motorhome is being outfitted with a hair salon and mirrored paneling. It will be designated RV-1, which will be embossed on the sides in gold lettering. Trump is also being fitted for a scoutmaster uniform with five gold stars stitched onto both shoulder epaulettes. His official title will Master of the Masturbators.
In other news, Bernie Sanders was rumored to have joined an ISIS cell in New Hampshire.
- By Bill Britton