God No Show

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Wednesday, 3 August 2016

Police were called out to the village of "No" in Shropshire in the early hours of this morning after pensioners staged a riot over the "non appearance of God". Forty seven geriatrics were arrested for a variety of public order offences.

The annual "God To No" festival is a huge ceremony in which the residents of the peaceful town enact a ancient ritual that's supposed to draw God to them. Unsurprisingly it's never worked.

Back and to the Left news spoke to Linda Ludbanks who has been organising the festival for twenty five years.

So Linda has there ever been an incident like this at the festival?

Not at all. This has always been a peaceful celebration as we try and bring down the Almighty to help us smite our enemies.

So why was tonight any different?

Well, a lot of the participants have been coming here every year and I think they just lost the plot at yet another "non appearance" from our Lord.

Did they actually expect him to rock up?

Of course that's what the ritual is for.

We looked nervously around us.

Has he ever turned up before?

Oh my no. He is God you know. Very busy man what with all the wrath he's dishing out on a daily basis.

We sighed a sigh of relief. The sort of relief when you realise
you've gotten away with a fart in a meeting.

With the disturbances this year will the festival be cancelled next year?

Not at all. In fact the disturbances have raised our profile to the point where we were trending on the Twitter for a whole seven minutes. Already we've had inquires from all over the globe about attending next year's festival. Some people from Sweden have got in touch as well to help turn the festival into something called a "rave" I'm not sure what the means in English but I think it could be fun.

Next year's festival promises to be interesting even if God doesn't turn up.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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