Saturday, 30 April 2016

image for Tories to accept refugees if they "went to a good school"
Many refugees will be enrolled in butler training school

The UK Prime Minister David Cameron has said that he will agree to accept 3,000 young refugees into the country, but only on the condition that they are "not oiks".

In a speech to the Conservative party he said that it was always regrettable when foreigners of ethnicity must be let into the country, but the damage could at least be mitigated if they were "as close to respectable as possible". He has already requested the Syrian authorities to disclose whether any refugees went to Eton or Harrow.

He has also attempted to contact the equivalent of the Young Conservatives in Syria, which he believed may go under the name of "the Assad Youth".

Spokesman for the party, Wip Lightly, revealed the exact criteria the party are looking for. "A young refugee chap must know how to tie a bow tie, and know how to use cutlery in the correct order. Also he should be able to drink tea without slurping and have a working knowledge of cricket. For the ladies, they must be able to make a good jam."

The United Nations Refugee Council have criticised the UK for their unwelcomeness.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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