Written by MrK

Wednesday, 23 March 2016

image for Motorway signs are all lies

The warning signs seen across British motorways are written entirely by compulsive liars, it has emerged.

Signs such as "Queue Ahead" and "Obstruction in carriageway" simply aren't true.

A spokesperson for the British Highways has admitted "We recruit our staff exclusively from self-help groups for people who are compulsive liars. It's a way for them to express themselves, and we just look like we have an overly-cautious safety policy".

Brian Tenderman, who has been lying for the Highway System for five years now, told us "Some days I just put up signs that say "Workforce in road - 40MPH", and keep it up for miles, even though there aren't actually workmen out there! One time, I closed two lanes under the false-pretense that there was a stranded vehicle. There wasn't. It caused nearly six miles of tailback".

"The Highway System allows me to lie without hurting anybody" say Jenny Charter, an intern who has just started with the company. "I'm just discovering all the lies I can tell, and it helps me to vent. Putting out a sign saying "Junction 10 closed" when it obviously isn't feels so satisfying"

Until now, British motorists have always assumed that the matrix signs were to be taken as gospel, so it may come as some comfort knowing that they can be taken with a pinch of salt.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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