Written by galgar

Sunday, 29 March 2015


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Our intrepid Weeki Leeks reporter had triumphed again with the following revelations. Thirty something years ago a young Scottish person named Nicholas Sturgeon had a sex change operation performed by Dr Herman Clitterman in his clandestine surgery somewhere off the Edgeware Road. Unfortunately a malfunction in the operating procedure left the poor creature, renamed Nicola, with limited brain function affecting both speech and judgement'

With her future plans left in tatters Nicola decided there was only one thing left to do with her life. A future in politics beckoned alongside other deviants in SNP, so she jumped at the chance.

She soon became very popular among the rank and file members and caught the eye of the leading lights of the budding party. Her speech defect was a definite disadvantage so she had a speech synthesizer fitted to the back of her mouth, which curtailed certain activities, but was nevertheless a success. As for the placement of the rechargeable batteries, I leave that to the reader's fertile imagination.

She eventually became second in command of the party behind her bosom pal Alex Salmond. Even then she wasn't very worldly and thought that Rabbi Burns was a Jewish preacher turned comedy writer. Alex soon out her right, saying that Rabbi was actually a mate of his he went to school with and was also a staunch Celtic supporter to boot.

After Alex cocked up his country's chance to leave the UK and become leader of an independent Scotland and was forced to resign and left deeply humiliated to join the unemployed in the dole queue, she saw her chance and took over the reins.

Often criticized for her lack of dress sense,, she became quite adept at giving her critics the finger. She openly admits that she will very much enjoy sticking it to David Cameron and the other Brits as she sucks up to the two red Ed's in the commons.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Scotland

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