Foul Porridge Flavour 2015 Competition Winner

Written by Auntie Jean

Thursday, 1 January 2015

In a dramatic finish, broadcast live on STV, a concoction of coarse oatmeal and mashed swede was awarded first prize in the Foul Porridge Of The Year 2015 Competition by the panel of Master Cook.

The vile Scottish dish, submitted by food chemist and restaurant chain owner Blumen Hestonthal was chosen by a Welsh arbitrator from Scunthorpe after the panel could not agree.

Garlic and Aubergine porridge prepared by the Moulin Roux brothers came a very close second. The panel sampled 10 short listed dishes. This year's competition featured fish and liver porridge, sprout porridge and black pudding porridge amongst others. In the preliminary heats, candidates had to compete to make the country's most gristly Scotch Pie.

The winning recipe will be used for the torture of difficult terror suspects and as a compulsory part of Scottish public school breakfasts.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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