Written by Auntie Jean

Saturday, 7 February 2015

image for Supermarket Shelves Containing Only Easter Eggs Are Cause Of Scunthorpe Obesity Pandemic
Obesity pandemic

Supermarkets in Scunthorpe have taken everything from their shelves, leaving only Easter eggs, according to our Northern correspondent. Hospital A&Es are bursting at the seams with chocolate gorged fatties according to NHS sources. Scunthorpe officials say however, that the trend will reverse itself in "Lent". It is the tradition in Scunthorpe to conduct special Easter parades, where men and women flaunt their obesity in special XXXL sized costumes and colorful bonnets.

Being a major celebration in the Christian calendar, Easter is celebrated with much fanfare. The Easter traditions in Scunthorpe mark the arrival of spring and the period to celebrate the rebirth of Jesus Christ. During Easter traditions, one gets to witness parades, carnivals, Easter egg decorations, music and much more.

Every year on Shrove Tuesday a Mardi Gras carnival is hosted in the town's Working Men's Club. Nearby Grimethorpe is also a major venue for the Mardi Gras carnivals. Decorated floats are prepared by different groups of people in the carnival.

The Easter bunny forms a major part of the Easter traditions and is traditionally tied up and shot by the Duke of Edinburgh on Good Friday. So, if you happen to be in Scunthorpe during Easter, make yourself a part of the traditions and enjoy the most fun-filled festival.

Here are some ideas about Easter customs and traditions in Scunthorpe:

In social clubs, it is a trend to conduct annual Easter carnivals called 'Mardis Gras', which feature lot of fun activities like parades, jazz music bands and a bouncy castle.

A must play Easter game for Scunthorpe kids is the Easter egg roll.

A special dish for Easter springtime in Scunthorpe is baked hedgehog, potatoes and vegetables. Another most demanding recipe is hot cross buns.

It was in the early 1700's, when for the first time, eggs were dyed and the credit for starting this practice in Scunthorpe can be attributed to Dutch settlers.

As a part of Easter traditions in Scunthorpe, sunrise services are held and the prime motive is to include various Christian religious groups in this event.

Painting the Easter eggs and then conducting Easter egg hunt games for the kids is what most Scunthorpe parents do on the Easter week.

Like in every other part of the globe, Easter symbols like bunnies, Easter tree, Easter Eggs, Easter lamb, mint sauce and roast potatoes make their presence felt in every corner of the street, churches, shops and homes.

The popular Easter symbols like Easter bunny and egg trees were first brought in by the German settlers who arrived in the area during the 1750s. Eventually, Scunthorpe tribes accepted these crafts and made these symbols a vital part of their Easter celebrations.

Easter parties are also a common sight during this holiday time where people come, feast and make merry. Easter weddings are a popular trend in the U.K. People in Great Britain usually like to their tie their nuptial knot on this propitious day. Like in most other towns, Scunthorpe pre-Lent carnivals also form an integral part of Easter celebrations.

Easter celebrations cannot be complete without extensive chocaholic style piggings out and feasting. During Easter time, people in Scunthorpe usually binge on an assortment of Easter delights like baked ham, potatoes, vegetables and other homemade foods, but the flooding of supermarket shelves with only chocolate eggs has largely stifled these traditions.

In the meantime special funds have been allocated to the hospitals to deal with this year's pandemic.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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