Ed Miliband has put himself forward for the job of hosting Top Gear. In an interview today, Mr. Millipede said. "Am I funny enough? HELL YEAH! Do I know about cars? HELL YEAH! Carburettor. Am I misozni... Am I mimozizni... Am I sexist? HELL YEAH! Bitch. You thought Hammond's crash was bad? Look at the election results. Mr. Millipede has been at a loose end since his embarrassing and humiliatin...
I've just come back in my time machine from 8th with the election result: After a hung parliament Labour bashed out a deal with UKIP. With this new government UKIP will claim victory with Britain's independence from the European Union's 'tyranny'...
London - Bankers' bonuses in the City of London will be part-paid in Viagra and part in cash in a brand new election initiative by the Conservatives. London-based Hard Times austerity think tank reported today the policy will see bankers able to...
The election is coming! Please don't misread the second word and call the police on us. This is our first in a number of interviews with leading political figures in the run up to the already predetermined election in May. We spoke to king weirdo himself. Ed Miliband. We met Ed in a windowless room as the idea of seeing clouds seemed to distress him to the point where he would rock back and for...
A report by the leading market research and opinion polling company UTWAT claimed today that the success of UKIP can be attributed almost entirely to their decision to use an acronym for a name. Chief researcher, Norbert Spangler insisted that the...
The BBC has announced that the election debate on Thursday will borrow the format of the popular quiz show; "Eggheads". "Dickheads" (BBC1, Thursday, 8.00pm) will feature several themed rounds. Round 1; "cliché repetition". Ed Miliband is odds-on favourite to win this with "world banking crisis" and "I hated Blair and Brown as much as you!" Round 2; impassioned ideology. Natalie Bennett should w...
The new comedy pairing of Ed (the pole) Miliband and ED(Bollocky red)Balls is to be known as the Marxist Brothers. A Labour party spokesman confirmed the pairing as a mind blowing combination of scintillating intellects. Their aim is to take politics...
The Conservative Party UK has just announced that David Cameron has promised not to serve a third term as PM, YES! After the announcement was made towns all over the country are planning street parties, celebrations and firework displays in a show...
Ed Miliband Labour Party Leader, MP for Doncaster North announced today that he would now like to be known as Eddie. Labour's public relations team now feel that Ed is a bit naff and has a touch of the John Cravens about it. This was brought to t...
With the possibility that David Cameron could be "empty-chaired" in the TV election debates, Ed Miliband has been prepping for his appearance by debating an empty chair in private rehearsals. "Ed is very concerned about credibility", an insider to...
There was shock in Westminster when the Leader of the Opposition, one Ed Miliband, declared his party's main issue in the impending election. "As a party we have in the past fought elections based on the economy, the future of the NHS, unemploymen...
In order to look as if he is in touch with reality and improve his chances of election, Ed Milliband is coming out publicly against the morbid obesity crisis plaguing the country. He intends to bar the morbidly obese and overweight from our televisio...
That was today's announcement from Ed Miliband. In an all too brief interview today, he told me. "Flibbly flibbly flobbery, blibble blobble dip dop smoink." Thankfully I'd had the foresight to bring Bill from Bill & Ben and he translated. "...
Green Party leader, Maisie Daisy, has responded to Prime Minister David Cameron's threat not to take part in televised election debates if the Greens are not also present. "We have considered the Prime Minister's statement very carefully and, foll...
Labour leader, Ed Miliband, has strenously denied attempting to court positive publicity after announcing that his latest Party Political Broadcast had been "hacked by North Korean hackers off the internet using computers". Unlike other high profi...
Following an unspectacular time as labour leader, a team of Labour MPs have lost patience with Ed Milliband. The group have flown out to Tibet to track down former favourite David Milliband. Who's last whereabouts were said to be in a Tibetan monesta...
David Cameron's next door neighbour Gideon has told him he will complain to the council if he puts expensive Christmas decorations up this year, outside number 10. Gideon was overheard saying that Britain is going through its worst austerity cris...
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