An amazing 37% of all transmitted programmes over the Christmas period will not be repeats this year. This has been achieved by counting God channels and news bulletins as Christmas T.V. a spokesperson for Xmas recycling told our reporter this morning. "Also repeats of repeats are technically repeats of repeats or 'another chance to sees' and not repeats. Additionally, to prevent excessive landfill we are required to re-use at least 60% of drivel".
Technically new material this year will include "I'm healed, hallelujia" on God One and The Bargain Channel's exercising rubber band demonstration". Normal repeats of repeats of repeats will still be repeated like Only Fools and Ronnies and Porridge All Hours.
Women's ideas of drivel can be motor racing or football, and men's can be The One Show, Lorraine and Judge Trudy. Twelve newly repeated repeats are scheduled to be quietly repeated in with older repeats in the new year and new 'boxless box sets' invented by 'Boxless Dyson' will be shown on new collectors channels or special repeat channels.