We at Back and to the Left news were going through some rich peoples rubbish (in an attempt to find priceless Faberge eggs that may have been discarded) when we came across a document. This sort of thing happens quite regularly to us so we didn't think too much of it.
The document stated that the Prince Of Wales has the right to mine under peoples homes in the town of Helston. In a instant a thousand questions fired through our mind: what was under Helston? Would Prince Charles be doing the mining? Was Nicky Minaj a actual person or a teenage boys sexual fantasy made real? We admitted that last one had nothing to do with the story we were now writing.
We immediately began cold calling numbers in the Helston area to see if we could scrape together enough conjecture and rumour to start write the headline. "Prince Charles Is The King Of The Mole People".
After calling people for what seemed like at least five minutes somebody answered. We we're onto them in a second.
So Prince Charles owns the land beneath your feet how do you feel about that?
"Erm...who is this?" The voice came back weak and tired. (well it was four O'clock in the morning.)
This is Back and to the Left News and we know that Prince Charles has been making threats about taking away all your mineral deposits.
"Mineral deposits?" The voice sounded tinny. Like the owner had a throat made of tin and vocal cords stretched that were made of finely cut strips of tin.
Yes the ones underneath your entire town! He wants them all for his own personal wealth!
"I'm sorry. Has this got something to do with the letter the Duchy of Cornwall sent out?" said the tin voice from the tin man.
Do you have any pets buried in your garden?
"Yes Rex my dog-"
We cut him/her/child off.
Then Prince Charles also claims ownership over the body of your beloved pet. He owns yours dog's corpse!
Our point eloquently made and out interviewee suitably terrified we slammed the phone down. Once again the people of Britain had been warned about another "land grab" from the rich also why we're we standing on a skip?